The Subtlety of Sisyphean Structures

Lauren Noble
Jun 6
14 min read

Updated: Jun 7

A reflective reclamation

It has taken me half a year of purposefully quieting the noise so that I could sit in silence and unpack what I came to realise was the subtlety with which Sisyphean structures were embedding themselves into the landscape of theatre and arts education in the UAE. The impact of that on me, both personally and professionally, was profound. I needed to understand this phenomenon more deeply. And so, I began to write. What follows is a reflective reclamation of my observations, experiences and everything that brought me to this place.

DETRITUS

I have been fascinated by moody, often monochromatic, behind the scenes images for as long as I can remember. I suspect this may have started when I purchased a Diamond Edition DVD of The Little Mermaid which had an entire second disk for “the making of” documentaries. I remember sitting enthralled as I watched Howard Ashman’s directorial skills at work; at Pat Carroll and Jodi Benson performing as if live on stage whilst inside a recording booth; at Alan Menken’s ability to compose the songs I loved through a gentle tinkering away at the keys.

And yet, it was always the still of each individual sitting or standing with a very specific look of steely determination on their faces amidst the detritus of the production process that spoke directly to me. The detritus, more than anything, is the proof. The proof that some ideas had succeeded. The proof that many more ideas had failed. The proof that artistry is difficult at every level within a production process. The proof that people gave everything to make each next offering better than their last. The proof that work had happened… really happened… y’know?

I sit amidst a load of detritus right now, both personally and professionally. These last two years have been characterised by a heady mix of one part success to two parts failure in multiple areas of my life. The instability of that pattern, the not knowing where or from whom the next punch or payoff was going to come from, has left me feeling quite isolated from myself and therefore from others.

In truth, I have been operating as an automaton of myself for quite a long time now. Quite capable of doing the things that required doing, but with less and less Lauren behind or beyond each act. This detritus exists all around me. Whether it was wanted or not. Whether it was welcome or not. It exists.

And thus the time has come for my own iteration of a behind the scenes image in moody monochrome. An account for accountability’s sake! A space for me to collect the scattered remnants of my life and my identity, write about them as I consciously close this chapter, and continue my journey into a new year with detritus that is decidedly either treasure or trash.

It’s time…

SCRIPTURIENT

It sounds like it should be a noun. A name. A thing that writers might have called ourselves in a bygone era. But it isn’t. It’s an adjective. A descriptor. A thing that is used to express the compulsion to write.

I have been narrating, thinking up and writing down stories since I was just a little Lauren. I have also always been drawn into the stories of performative storytellers, eccentric imagineers and the successful writers too. Gcina Mhlope. JRR Tolkien. Savage Garden. rh sin. Disney. Neil Coppen. Athol Fugard. Sophocles. Shakespeare. Lemn Sissay. The author formerly known as JK Rowling. Michael Jackson. Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. Johnny Clegg, Jaluka and Savuka. Lin-Manuel Miranda.

The list goes ever on and on…

I find a sense of connection in the flow or the phraseology of books, poems, articles, lyrics, films and plays… but also in the scribbled annotations of a deep thinker thinking in the margins or in the captions that speak of human hardships as expressed by a human hand on an increasingly AI social media platform.

There is always a feeling inside my chest as I experience these things. It is the same feeling every time. It says “Hey, you’re not alone in this obsession!” It says “I also love the way that language becomes literature as you reach the end of the sentence!” It says “What are you waiting for?”

And it is whenever that feeling and its subsequent compulsion to write disappears in me that I know something quite central to my being is out of alignment for me. I have been the anti-scripturient writer in her automaton era recently. Managing to produce, write and even rewrite in that headspace! One of my therapists once took a moment to marvel at my inherent ability to employ a survival mechanism which exceeds usual survival. She did not mean that as a compliment...

Antigone Retold: The Woza Habibi Tour (2024) - full international tour
The Elf in the Gulf (2024) - full local production
Find Another Reason Why (2024) - workshop performance script
ClueDon’t! - rehearsal script (2025)
Checkmate the Musical (2025) - full local production
The Elf in the Gulf: A CADET Christmas (2025) - full local production
Collab in Convo interviews, articles and journalism mentorship initiatives
Creative and collaborative engagements for every platform

It seems entirely unreal to me when I write it out this way. Listed. Listless. And so, as stated previously, the re-alignment processes are in full swing behind the scenes…

Detritus be damned!

Scripturient Lauren anon!

DISRUPT

I worked really, really hard on a talk for TedEX a while ago and was devastated to have fallen ill on the day of filming. The talk was built upon specific features of my GESS Education 2025 presentation and was informed by some of the ideas discussed by my insightful panelists - Vardaan Chaudhry, Kaia Badni, Helena Castillo Redondo and Lauren Collins - over pizza and fizzy drinks.

One day, at school, while I was musing on my revised speech format, one of my older students asked me outright: “What is like to run your own theatre company here, Miss?” Oh. “Umm…”

I was caught by a battle between two ideals. One, I never lie to my students. Ever. I soften the truth with compassion or, sometimes, a more age appropriate framing. But I will not lie to them. Two, my role as an educator of the arts is to inspire the next generation to see value and viability in the industry I teach them about every day.

“Umm…”

I took a beat, then a breath, and said: “Its not that good right now, if I am being honest. It’s been a journey of ups and downs over the past few years but, truthfully, it has felt like a lot more downs than ups in quite a few spaces.” They all stared at me. Then one of them piped up with something that piqued my interest. “Well, it makes sense that it’s so difficult, Miss, because you’re doing something that is going against a lot of the things we’ve been talking about in class.”

We had been chatting about hustle culture, about the theatrical community in the UAE feeling somehow manosphere-adjacent at times, about outlandish copyright infringements, about toddler tantrums that people call politics, about a money over morals mindset, about those within this community who are so often sidelined or exploited or tokenised to push a narrative, about how the lack of access to funding and scholarships means that the grey area of theatre will always be found between amateur and import, between event and art.

It was in that moment, as my students sat staring, that the words from my company ethos entered my mind. Disrupt. Disrupter. Disrupting. And there it was. The cause of my Sisyphean suffering. The symptom of my rebellious worldview.

And maybe…

Just maybe…

The solution to the problem?

SISYPHEAN

You know the story, right?

Some twaza does something stupid that upsets the very worst of The Olympian Twelve. So Zeus curses him to an eternity pushing a boulder up a mountain, only to get to the top and have to watch it roll all the way back down, where he must start again and again and again... forever!

My name isn’t Sisyphus and I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to warrant Zeus’ wrath, but my path has never felt more Sisyphean to me than it does right now.

For months I have contemplated how best to post what I feel compelled to without ruffling too many feathers. Why? Because I have experienced those in both the education and artistic industries who cannot bear to have their feathers ruffled by anyone they deem unworthy; anyone who remains unenthralled by their grandeur or their grandstanding; anyone who (I now realise) triggers the shadow in them.

Thus, enter Sisyphus, stage right.

An analogy.

The mountain is a mindset...

It operates in classrooms and boardrooms in equal measure. It tells students that the arts are not academic despite a plethora of current evidence to the contrary. It arrives in educational frameworks that have not been interrogated in years. It sits in institutions where funding is removed until someone suggests something could be offered for musical, visual and multidisciplinary art instead of performance. It closes doors for creatives based on whether they trained in a few specific postcodes in the UK or one very specific emirate in the UAE.

The boulder is a decision...

It is fighting against gravity until you inevitably lose your footing and are crushed by the weight of a decision that was made for you (or about you) by those you may even expect it from, but often from those you do not. It is pushing back on such decisions for a decade whether in the making of or teaching of theatre in the UAE. It is the incessant write, direct, design, produce, be bolstered, be let down, figure it out, tour, teach, mentor, disrupt, adapt, invoke, care, challenge, try, and try and try again... forever! Is it any wonder why my life feels so Sisyphean?

But that, folks, is an example of how easy it is to focus on the wrong question! Why? Because that question centres the self instead of the issue. Ahem! The right question is: who gains what from Sisyphus being crushed under the weight of a boulder and exhausted by the height of a mountain?

FLYING MONKEYS

The flying monkey is a pop psychology concept which has been fascinating to observe and experience in action. Of course, these are only the experiences of one Sisyphus over the course of one decade of making and teaching theatre in the UAE, but 10 years has given me enough of a front row seat to this deeply disturbing phenomenon.

First up are those flying monkeys who carry harm by proxy…

The Wizard of Oz saw them bound by a spell from a Wicked Witch and stripped of their choices. Wicked saw Elphaba commanding them from a place of misguided belief which she then attempts to rectify. The flying monkeys I have observed tend to have aspects of both of these concepts in them which is to take nothing away from those who are deliberately sycophantic.

For a decade their modus operandi has looked like:

conversational chit chat that evolves into a bizarre blend of intimidation and coercion.
being reprimanded about the unwritten rules that tend to apply only when a Sisyphus stops, turns to the stage left wing, and starts asking questions to a Zeus who is hiding in the darkness backstage.
a front row seat at a production you have worked on for months with the cast and crew. Not for them to watch — oh no! — but to be seen watching. Not for the show on stage, but for the opportunity to seek out anything that could be used as ammunition (because phoning the Department of Economy and Tourism for a shut down never worked this time).
the friend telling you to move on from your decision to consciously stay away from some spaces – you know, for everyone’s sake since “We should all just get along!”
colleagues who remind (you) every time the topic is brought up (by them) that they are someone to whom none of this has ever happened — the subtext being that their absence of experience is a convincing enough reason for them to continue working with those who harm.

Then there are those who carry harm through proximity.

I think it’s because they are also pushing a boulder up a mountain. Their mountain may appear immovable to them. And sometimes, in the exhaustion of that, they do not have the capacity to act against such an infrastructure.

And so Sisyphus continues to strengthen the structure of his own downfall. From inside it.

AGON

My people are the people who cheered when Cap finally summoned Mjolnir, who cried as Sam lifted Frodo onto his shoulders, who nodded at every encyclopaedic monologue from a kid in Hawkins.

Why do so many stories we love trigger the same emotions in us no matter how many times we revisit them? The answer… is the agon. The conflict which exists to drive and define the arcs of dramatic characters.

The protagonist who is torn between two versions of themselves. The antagonist who forges others into something more. The deuteragonist whose journey is the parallel we need to widen our lens.

Steve and Tony. Frodo and Sam. Eleven and Vecna. Didi and Gogo. Hamilton and Burr. Chidi and Eleanor. Hamlet and Horatio. Holmes and Watson. Ezio and Sofia. Elphaba and Glinda. The agon is woven between all of them.

All creative communities understand these resonances. We post about traits we admire in the characters of Lord of the Rings. We get quotes from Wicked inked on our skin. We psychologise the works of Shakespeare again and again and again. Why? Because the agon moves us. The arcs we discover and then rediscover in the stories of light over dark, good over evil, right over wrong…

Why then do some in the creative community also:

remove names and faces from pitch decks so they might gain business from work that was ever theirs?
weaponise logos and hashtags as a way to evidence proxemics?
ask an arts organisation founded on principled practice to set aside their ethos because it might become an “inconvenience” to uphold their (signed) code of conduct in practice?
steal teaching resources and present them to impressionable minds who need role models now more than ever?
DARVO any and every situation of accountability that relates to safeguarding protocols or ways of working?

How can we continue to call ourselves a community who write, produce, teach, and celebrate the stories we love whilst simultaneously opposing aspects that the agon of these stories demands of us?

I am still working on an answer to that for myself but, in the meantime, Sisyphus keeps pushing that dang boulder up that dang mountain, waiting for his community to move closer to the story it keeps telling others about itself.

PERFORMATIVITY

I first encountered Judith Butler's theory of performativity during a lecture on identity politics for an essay. The theory posits that identity is not something we are, but something we do. Twenty years later and it is this theory which underpins my closing comments on the arts landscape of the UAE.

The world is made up of Zeuses and Sisyphuses. The chasm between them exists because Zeuses have something Sisyphuses need. It is structural.

Butler's theory becomes relevant the moment we discern another chasm. Between what Zeuses say and what Zeuses do.

The Zeuses who host a new awards ceremony touted as a celebration of artistic excellence. They award based on performances judged by a panel of experts. When questioned by a Sisyphus, the Zeuses confirm that only some productions have been seen by anyone on the panel and only some are asked for their recordings instead. For future, all Sisyphuses should be judged against the same criteria which at the very least begins with all judges watching every performance in each category.

The Zeuses who commit to a continuation of a community initiative after a successful debut. Despite attempts from the Sisyphuses to confirm any answer (even just a no!) for three months, the Zeuses choose silence, then withdraw over text just one month before opening night. For future, when Zeuses collaborate with Sisyphuses for the community-centric optics, consciously centering the community experience over their own is important. Human-to-human dissolutions preferred!

The who Zeuses have a professional and personal relationship with a Sisyphus who has contributed to their space for years. One day, a like-for-like offering is kickstarted with another entity inside their walls. The Sisyphus who created the original offering feels like the boulder she was pushing up the mountain was inherited by someone else without warning. For future, relationships with Sisyphuses who have contributed to arts inclusion alongside Zeuses are respectfully owed a conversation. Not to ask permission, but to ask if we want to collaborate with this new offering in support of the initiative we believed in first.

Say and do are two different verbs...

ANAGNORISIS

My man Aristotle called it anagnorisis. That moment of profound realisation which propels a character from ignorance to knowledge on their journey. Transpiring just before the crest of the traditional narrative arc, it is a moment in a story that changes everything that follows it.

My anagnorisis has been about archiving the professional and personal detritus of my journey to understand it more deeply. It triggered a scripturient study of what it means to disrupt the Sisyphean structures that are subtly limiting the theatre and arts education industries in the UAE. My anagnorisis had been about dismantling the perch upon which the flying monkeys have been able to remain within the sacred spaces I have spent years creating and curating for my art to exist. It reminded me to continue being inspired by characters and their stories, then continue actioning the agon each one asked of me without defaulting to the performativity of the saying without the doing.

My anagnorisis has produced this essay series.

And since Collab Company was founded on the premise of showing up for the community the way we would want the community to show up for us, here are the Instagram handles of some individuals and organisations doing iconic things for theatre and arts education in the UAE right now.

@westendworldwide - over two decades in this region, and Lucy remains the most generous human I have met on this UAE theatrical journey. Her company brings phenomenal shows and experiences to our doorstep.
@halflightmag - (Queen) Raisa is the person whose literary life I admire most in this region. A teacher. A reader. A writer. An arts advocate. She has a Substack now, but also a host of articles written for this quirky and cultural treasure trove of a 'zine!
@broadwayboogie.dxb - Cait is a community-centric girl at heart. She pops up all over with interesting projects that bring people together, but this one has my heart: fitness, fun and a musical theatre choreo you always wanted to perform!
@onedaychoirdxb - our organisation will always advocate for the arts being activated for the purposes of community upliftment. The Collab Collective will be visiting soon!
@offthegrid165 - founded by (Lightbringer of Note) Rebecca, this is a creative salon for (Serious) Artists. The collective is kickstarting their next season in September with some truly inspiring moves into spaces that seek to open rather than close.
@weareenergie - an events company run with a remarkable awareness of theatre thinking (which makes all the difference to gig artists in this region - iykyk!)
@baselyafii - a delight of a human who happens to be pushing the boundaries across a multitude of new works and projects!
@orama_studyo - a space for experimenting in diverse performance practices.
@dugulan.media - founded by Ovidiu, a creative dreamer and doer, and easily one of a handful of UAE creatives who I feel truly seen by.
@margaux_thevoicekids11 @molly_march_ @helenacas_official - the up-and-coming generation of performers to watch out for in the UAE!
@sharmiladance - my favourite dance academy in the UAE hands down: technique and approach to the nuances of their craft is unmatched.
@_dramallamaa @angelamaofficial @emilie_rochford @aimeekhalifamusic @emma_isbell.uaetheatre @emmajanevocalist @lamyatawfik @bethaniem89 @eventmumma_1 @josiedcampbell @sasha_topic - evidence of the move toward matriarchy! How many fierce femmes in the arts scene here are cognizant of the degree of expertise and experience we wield? And these are only those who have worked directly with Collab Company...

CATHARSIS

Closing this series is the catharsis.

I made a conscious decision to release this accumulation of observations and experiences. Holding on to each one one was adding weight to the boulder and height to the mountain.

And so, this Sisyphus is moving onto the next chapter in her story. There will still be mountains; but she will only climb those in alignment with her purpose and passion. There will still be boulders; but she will only push those in alignment with her ideas and ideals.

All that remains now is the work. Writing. Directing. Designing. Producing,. Touring. Teaching. Mentoring. Disrupting. Adapting. Invoking. Inviting. Caring. Challenging. Trying. And trying. And trying again.

That's all any of us can do in the end...

For more about Collab Company, Lauren Noble and our creative collaborators, please give us a follow on Instagram.

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